Regret

Too afraid to fall asleep....

For the last 2 days, I kept dreaming of you. Damn freaky, I know. But it's not like I can control it now, can I? It's not like I enjoy having these dreams, because in the end, they are nothing but fantasies.

I'm still slowly healing, just in case you're wondering. But I'm kinda doubting it. Heck, I doubt you're reading this anyway.

It's a great thing I have friends. People who I can rely on. But I still wake up every morning, feeling sad that you're not mine anymore. I have relied too much on you. And now I'm suffering the consequences. It is my fault to not being able to keep you, as I thought, maybe I did something wrong along the way to make you divert yourself to other issues. Yes, I still care for you, perhaps this is why I'm making myself like this. But somehow as I type out these words, I feel abit better. Maybe I should stop blaming myself and look at a bigger picture.

It didn't hit me till yesterday that what you did was wrong. Going around doing stuff behind my back was a crime that I cannot forgive, especially going out with that "secret crush" of yours. Maybe not just yet. I was too stun the other night to even rethink about what you said until now. It's like you were so relieved to let go of me. Was I really a burden to you? Am I nothing but just a "responsibility" to you?

Instead of solving your problem when you knew you had one, you just sat in front of the computer and did nothing. You could have made an effort! I think that would have saved you. But you didn't. You could have actually come up to me, and talked to me about it. But you didn't. But instead you encouraged and indulged yourself by doing the improper things.

Perhaps I am in the wrong to say that to you. But it's because I still care for you. I think you could have saved yourself if you had made an effort.

As for now, I am pissed at myself for taking it too calm. Maybe I should have went with the typical and slapped you.

Time will heal me.... and one day, I hope to wake up, and tell to myself that it's your loss, and not mine.